The confusion most people get when dealing with an introvert is we are all perceived as being shy or anti-social in nature. This isn't to say there aren't any shy or anti-social introverts. The issue is there are just as many extrovert shy and/or anti-social types. I'd hazard a guess and say most ASBOs handed out are to extroverts.
We, as introverts, have 2 major problems: We live in a society (at least here in America) that rewards extroverts, and because of this we get represented less in society. We withdraw when we need to, supposedly missing out on all the fun.
So where does this leave me in trying to explain the difference between the two, introvert and extrovert, to my friend? Well, lets take a look at some scenarios first.
If you were to put an extrovert in a locked room with only a pen and paper, and leave them for several hours, the room may as well be padded by the time you return. They.will.go.fucking.INSANE. Take the same scenario with an introvert and you'd be shocked: Not only might a sketch of the celling tiles or half a short story will be on the paper, but you'll find them staring at said celling or quietly meditating in the corner. They can think and take in their surroundings.
Now, we take the same two people and throw them into a socially different scenario: A wild party. You get the exact opposite effect. Extroverts are having the time of their life while introverts duck into a hidden part of the party to clear their heads, or just head home with the 'sorry I'm just tired' excuse. So what is happening here?
Years ago I came up with a visualization (read: yes this was done internally in my head around my court advisors, why do you ask?) to help explain this. I call it the Social Battery. Inside every person there's one of these:
There's also some circuitry that fills and drains this Social Battery. So this whole setup, battery and circuit, runs during your waking hours. The difference between being how and why that battery fills or drains. Extrovert batteries drain, maddeningly so, when alone. To recharge they need interaction and, well, socializing. Their introvert counterparts have their batteries fill when alone and in a quiet place. Putting them in situations where socializing is necessary the battery drains.
If you were to put an extrovert in a locked room with only a pen and paper, and leave them for several hours, the room may as well be padded by the time you return. They.will.go.fucking.INSANE. Take the same scenario with an introvert and you'd be shocked: Not only might a sketch of the celling tiles or half a short story will be on the paper, but you'll find them staring at said celling or quietly meditating in the corner. They can think and take in their surroundings.
Now, we take the same two people and throw them into a socially different scenario: A wild party. You get the exact opposite effect. Extroverts are having the time of their life while introverts duck into a hidden part of the party to clear their heads, or just head home with the 'sorry I'm just tired' excuse. So what is happening here?
Years ago I came up with a visualization (read: yes this was done internally in my head around my court advisors, why do you ask?) to help explain this. I call it the Social Battery. Inside every person there's one of these:
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| Well, not really an iPhone one but you get the point. |
To put it simpler: The batteries for extroverts and introverts are backwards from each other. The more technical term would be to say the polarity is reversed. Either way you slice it we (introverts) don't feel the same after walking through a gauntlet (aka wild party)
"What about that whole shy/anti-social thing," I hear you say now. Well, remember I mentioned theres circuitry in this whole process of draining/filling batteries? Well, keeping with this analogy, that's where those problems lie. I didn't want to find a cutesy picture for this but basically shy individuals are missing some wires. They lack the skills to fully utilize their battery, regardless of polarity. Anti-social persons have faulty wiring, with severe arcing and sparks, zapping those around them. At least that's what it feels like to be around a person like that.
The epiphany of the battery came to me years and years after trying to deal with being social. That's how I looked at it. I wasn't shy, I had the skills to talk to people. I just never made the connection to my tolerance of speaking to people and being an introvert. I was probably 22 or 23 when I hit upon this idea. Funny thing was I had understood I was an introvert for years, as I had taken a MBTI test some 3-4 years previous. That was the same test that identified me as a healer, though I had used the term to describe myself since my early teens.
I had 2 epiphanies, really. One was the battery analogy. The other is that I have a distinct time ratio for my charge: For every 2 hours I'm alone I can be social for 1 hour. Two to one, it hit me one night as I had headed home from the bar early one Friday. I had gone straight there from work for a birthday party. My mood, and ability to socialize with others, was impaired. I just happened to go out the next night, Saturday as well, with a similar group of friends and got questioned (somewhat harshly) as to why I had bailed at 10:30 pm. My only response was that I was tired, but I couldn't argue that point very well when I made it to 4 am the next morning. So, in quiet reflection (probably due to the hangover ~_^) I hit upon that I had a limit of how much stimuli I could take vs how much time I was alone.
I started being able to handle myself better going out and *ghasp* being social. Something most extroverts would never accuse we introverts of being. It is something of a facade, because I have no problem stepping out to clear my mind, speak with my advisors (I swear I'm not crazy, am I?), and head back in fresh.
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