I'm going to admit something here that I think people around me might know but have never actually heard me say out loud: I am lonely at times. So reading through a female's point of view on the subject was quite enlightening. I think first, if you'll bear with me, I'd like to dissect Tracy's piece first. Then I'll add my own thoughts on myself and why, really, I'm still single at 31.
At least with Tracy's work we get a nice set of bullet points to talk about:
- You're a Bitch.
- Aren't we all honey, aren't we all. Insensitivity is a normal mode for single people. Also I'd say that male anger turns women away just as much as female towards male. Ever try to talk to an angry person? You can't because they're not interesting in talking, male or female. As to why we singles are like this, see point 5.
- You're shallow
- Not the ones that would like to be married or have meaningful relationships. Right here I think Tracy is doing some projecting more than anything.
- You're a slut
- Oxytocin isn't call the "love hormone" for nothing.
- You're a liar
- I think the point of this is "this above all: to thine own self be true"
- You're selfish
- We are all, as a species, selfish. We evolved from opportunistic scavengers of another age. We bonded, way back then, for as much the good feeling as for mutual protection.
- You're not good enough
- Self confidence is everything. Ever wonder why you always see the douche-bag with the hot chicks, or the bitch that has ever guy in the bar wanting to get into her pants? Confidence.
So with that regurgitated here's what I walked away with after thinking about why I, at the age of 31, have neither been married or engaged to be so. I'll be referencing, though written for females, the points made above:
- I'm an idiot
- This isn't a bitch or shallow thought: I've run into too many situations where I'm just not picking up on the right signals. Either I'm being flirted with and don't get it, or I'm in a relationship going sour but I'm pressing forward. The former leaves jilted people in my wake while the latter is my own stubbornness at work.
- I'm not always emotionally available
- This folds back to point 1, but in a different way: I have moods where I think I should be in a relationship. These are paired, equally, with times where I don't feel like a relationship. If you have interest in me, and I'm in the latter mood, I'm apt not to get your clues. See after effects above.
- I don't know what I want
- I can tell you this is a 50/50 mix of shallow and selfish. There's a part of me that longs to have an emotion and thought provoking relationship. It's giving back those same feeling that usually ends up with me holding the bag.
- I'm attracted to the wrong types of women
- This is directly a cause of the above. Because I want those emotions, and I want provocation, I.... tend to gravitate towards junk food. You know, relationships that are all full of sugar but in the end leave you hallow and dead. Even if I find a good one I either can't keep the relationship going or she's not interested in the first place.
- I'm not always logistically available
- Here we go into a full rant about my current situation. I've been in the good mood about wanting a relationship since I got out of one a year ago now. As I kept thinking about it, however, I came to two problems. First being that I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish. It's really poor form to leave something like that dangling if you plan to move out of state. The other is not really thinking I'd be comfortable dragging someone I'm only dating to another state. In fact, where I plan on going I don't think I could live with her (a metaphorical her in this case, not talking about anyone specifically) for a while so it would be dragging her to another state. I honestly can't justify that.
- I really am not good enough, for some
- It's a lack of confidence in many cases that keeps me out of the dating scene, or when I do have confidence it ends up being at the worst moment and the worst possible. I'll either not make a move, make a move at the wrong time, or make it at the wrong time and be overbearing. Yeah, 3 ways of sucking right there.
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