Feeling Sad

For as long as I can remember I've only had one grandparent, Granny Lorene. On my mother's side my grandfather died 6 or so years before I was born. My paternal grandmother as well passed before I was born. I have a single memory of Granpa Sandefur (again on my father's side). I had to have been 2 or 3 and remembered looking up at this tall man that had the whitest hair I'd seen to date. I mean STARK white. And all I could think of was, at this young age, "Who is this guy with white hair and why does he talk to me so much?" No, really, I remember that feeling. Again, however, this was a fleeting image in my mind, as he died before I really was able to bond and form memories with him.

So this leaves but the mother of my mother: Granny Lorene. Don't you dare call her Grandmother, it was Granny. I don't know what I can say about her without having to take a year to fill pages upon pages. Sadly that's time I don't have. I got the call at 11:30am today, a sunny Sunday morning in Arizona. The past 3 years or so Granny has been in a nursing home due to her pulmonary problems. This past weekend an email went out that she was being put on a respirator due to a bout of pneumonia. And now.... she's being taken off the machine and most likely will not make it through the night.

I'm sitting here in my dorm room right now. I closed the blinds and put on some jazz (thank you Spotify) and have been trying to pick up my brain to write this in between fits of sobbing. When a mainstay in your life, the fact that you have a grandparent at least. When something like this comes down the line the stress it causes... I will be fine, if only because I still have other family and friends to see me through.