Osama's death, in funny pictures

So, as in my last post I really don't have a huge amount to write about on Osama Bin Laden's death. It's odd that I am this speechless about politics, as 90% of my blog ends up being about political subjects.

Moving away from that the saying 'a picture is worth a thousand words' has been no truer than in this man's death, so without further ado I submit to you a brief collection of some of the funnier ones I ran into over the past few days. Funnier is in italics because my humor is a bit warped ~_^:

I really just need to break down and buy Minecraft

Yes... I just blew an hours worth of my time doing this in the free version of Minecraft. And yes that's the Black Mage from Final Fantasy 1

Don't know what that is? Hows the moss on that rock you live under. It's been featured on webcomics (Penny Arcade for example), gaming news sites and there are dozens of videos on YouTube. Including this one, which is about as much Aspergers as anyone can take in a day.

67th Birthday (Father Update)

So yeah my father's 67th birthday was yesterday. I asked him if he felt old. "Older than dirt" was his reply.

I'm happy to see progress on his toe (or rater, the missing one), but it still hasn't healed 3 weeks later. It hasn't filled up with scar tissue either. So it's just the pit going into his foot. Not the best sign, really.

But some humor for you in this post: I got my father a birthday card that was entitled Anti-ageing quiz. It had a picture of a woman... Yeah she had to have 36F-24-36 as measurements. You open the card and it asks as simple question: What color was her purse?  If you asked "She had a purse?", the card told, you weren't old yet.

No one... not me, not even my mother, didn't have to turn back to the front to find the answer (Green). Laughs all around.

A Sucker Born Every Minute: The Vivitar 35mm Camera

Ok, I've officially seen everything. I half expect Vince or the resurrected spirit of Billy Mays to be hawking this product. You need to go to their site and watch the video. My father, for the love of him, is a Luddite. HE CAN EVEN USE A GODDAMN DIGITAL CAMERA.


But enough of that, the add has all the hallmarks of 'As Seen On TV' marketing.

It has the initial pitch

Then, a show stopper!

Oh how I love seeing those words. They are a mark of (lack of)

quality to any ad I see.

In the end, the deal was better than expected:

Now THAT looks like... crap. If you read the fine print, you pay an extra $7 "shipping and handling" fee for the first camera. Then another $7 for "processing and handling" for the second one. $24 is still cheap, but then you factor in buying more film and film processing charges and yeah this is a cheap alternative to downloading them to your computer. For Gaia's sake this is ridiculous. The features of "Built-in flash" and "Motorized Automatic Advance" reek of "We have extra stock of these. Jimmy, make an ad campaign to get rid of them now!"

And Jimmy did, and will reel in many poor saps.

Things that make me laugh at my job

Conversation that occurred today at work between coworker and I:

Coworker: It's just I hate when they call in with stupid questions.
Me: There are no stupid questions. Just sarcastic answers to simple questions *smile*
C: "Ahhhhhh How do I start my VPN?"
Me: (sarcastic "Birds and Bees" voice) Well when an Icon and a cursor love each other very much they go *click click* and 9 ms later a window is born.
C: What if it is two icons?
Me: (blank stare for a second)
(hysterical laughter from both of us)
C: It'd produce some kind of error, maybe a General Protection Fault?
Me: IRQL not less or equal to
(more hysterical laughter)
Me: Paging in a non-paged area?
C: Something like that.

Don't Make Bets Where I Work

Yeah, so a couple of executives made a bet on something (neither is tell anyone what the best was). One lost... and it must have been a hell of a bet because the loser is wearing this today.

(Face covered to hid embarrassment)

So yeah, Happy 4th everyone (and a belated Canada Day as well)

Oh god please don't suck: Woot.com aquired by Amazon

So yesterday my twitter account gave me a rather big shock. Woot.com, the originator of the deal-a-day marketing craze, has sold itself out to the largest web retailer in the world, Amazon.com.

No, pay no mind to me in my next statement: If they (Amazon) do anything to my beloved (Woot) I will come to each of the high brass and castrate them with a rusty spoon.

*ahem* With frightened rage out of the way I'd like to say that Matt Rutledge is one seriously humorous guy. He sent out this email to the Woot employees announcing the acquisition. It reads in part:

Over the next few days, you will probably read headlines that say “Matt Rutledge revealed to be monstrous pseudo-human creation of Jeff Bezos.” You might even see this photo making the rounds. Rest assured that these rumors have nothing to do with our final decision. We think now is the right time to join with Amazon because, quite simply, every company that becomes a subsidiary gets two free downloads until the end of July, and we very much need that new thing with Trent Reznor’s wife on our iPods.

That right there is genius XD. We also have some nice photo evidence of the Frankensteining of the two companies cultures.

And even the Woot Monkey got involved in the action:

All in all I have to say this is a fairly fun press release for what amounts to a metric shitton serious business practice. I hope it all goes well (again, castration by rusty spoons Amazon, don't for get it ~_^)

NOT LONGER POWERED BY THE AIR WE BREATHE

One year ago today we lost a great man, a great entertainer... oh wait, excuse me:

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY WE LOST A GREAT MAN

Bla bla bla yes I know the joke is old. But June 28th, 2009 was a real shocker. I thought at first the reports of his death were a joke. As more and more came in on the news feeds I realized we all were going to miss out on some truely epic and, more importantly, new products that he would hock. We'll still have the nostalgia of seeing his previous products like this one:

Wait just one fucking second, I've see this before. Holy SHIT! I HAVE seen it before

That's it, that's what happened. Billy didn't die from Oxycleaning his nose, causing him to have a heart attack. Vince offed him in a fit of rage over having the same damn product.

---

In all actuality, I had seen Billy's version of the producted at the Kitchen Pile several times. In fact seeing it there was the idea for naming the post about Vince Shalomi. Every time I tried getting a pic of the box, thought, I kept missing. Thought about even buying one, just to say that I have one. Anyways, may the man rest in peace. He gave me many laughs at his expense, hell I think he wants those laughs. As someone once told me: If you don't have haters you're not doing it right.

Driving Grandpa around in the La-Z-Boy

I love the "used parts" painted on the side. Make me think they're driving the guy to the ER and he has an organ donor card XD

Stuff the Shamwow guy wouldn't sell

So you wouldn't know it but I go to the OC Fairgrounds quite a bit, but it's mostly on the weekend for and out-of-the-way grocers market where I score quite a bit of deals on fruits and vegtables. So today I fill up my backpack to the brim and then some (Fair is closed next weekend so I needed to stock up) and I decided to check out the other booths.

Now I decided today to peruse the rest of The Marketplace, as it's called and I came upon and old favorite: there's several locations I call The Junk Pile and The Kitchen Junk Pile. The Junk Piles have cheap crap, just in cardboard boxes ranging in price from $1-5 dollars, depending on what the operators think the stuff is worth. Kitchen Junk Piles have just as much junk, but they're on shelves and cost more and are, by their name, used for the kitchen.

I decided today to take some pictures and show you just how odd some of this crap is. Let's take a look shall we? (Note: Most of my pictures from my camera came out crappy, so I plan on going back to get some more tomorrow. The spot I get my food from, Bruce's Produce, gives away free passes to The Marketplace if you
buy enough. I got two passes today, and my back hurts from hauling all that home in my backpack >_<)

First item is from an aforementioned Junk Pile stop. 'Specually Bath Belt' is the best engrish I seen in a while. Also more than mildy ecchi as well. Strategically placed bubbles keep it from going full hentai. What can't be seen in my pic is that this is basically a plastic washcloth, with material that looks more like a kitchen scrubber than anything I'd use on my body for bathing purposes. My guess is that those are soap bubbles, but clouds of skin ripped off by used of this thing. Not recommended, even if it is only a buck.

Next, from the Kitchen Junk, are cute little mini whisks made to look like pigs. While PigglyWiggly is how I first read it, there are no Ls in this. But, then again, a nursery rhyme about going home without supper is also not the best association to have about something used to prepare food.

Not content with just having a bagel cutter? Why not execute the sonofabitch with this sleek little device. Maybe the bagel had subversive thoughts? Murdered the cream cheese? Was looking to cause a Muffin Revolution? Yep, time to kill it in on swift move.

If I'm going to be barbecuing, I'd want more that 6 patties. But I do have to give props where they are due, as this would be the least worthless crap I found at the Kitchen Crap today. I could totally see the commercial for something like this. Oh wait, there is something similar, but only does 5 small patties:

Last but not lease I have a question to ask. Exactly at what size do they become cake rather than cupcake? I mean seriously.

I imagine we'll be having a lot of these today. I haven't gotten to the polls in my area yet. I'll be off at 4 to do so. May the Force be with Obama, always.

I'm just geeky enough to laugh

This is what I get for being a chem major out of highschool: Full on ROFL ^_^

Gotta Love the Internets

via videosift.com

Job Posting: WEBMASTER

Caps lock, cruise control for cool. Found this posting on Craigslist:

WEBMASTER

PHP, HTML, MYSQL, PHOTOSHOP, YOUNG PROGRAMMING STAR INTO ENERGY DRINKS, MUSIC, EXTREME SPORTS, SOCIAL NETWORKS TO CLONE VIDEO UPLOAD, MSQL VOTING AND COMMUNITY CONTEST PAGES WITH SIMPLE CONTENT MANAGEMENT AND FUTURE PROMOTION AND MAINTAINENCE RESPONSIBITIES... ON SITE, OFF SITE. Much prefer individual rather than company.

Now here's what I wonder: Why did they even bother going normal in the last sentence? Reverse psychology or something? Also, spellcheck much?