The Monday Post: Time Dilation on the 10

So it's been roughly a month since I had to take an 8 hour drive to go see my mother. It wasn't one I was planning on making and I was in a rush to boot. I had a long time to think on this drive, and during this particular run I noticed something odd.

The Sword of Damocles (Mother Update)

It's not been a good month. I realize I've missed my own goal, several times, with The Monday Post. It's been nearly a month since my last post and I'd apologize if I had the energy. Quite frankly, I haven't had the energy. So, here's a summation of what's happened since my last post:

Statically Stressed

You might have noticed that I haven't posted in 2 weeks. I'm not here to apologize for this. I'm just posting so people know why.

The Monday Post: The Adventure Continues

[Note] The auto post on this didn't work, so this is being posted on a Tuesday. Damn blogger!!!![/Note]


A year ago August I let loose something that had been growing inside me. Something so grand, for me, that I finally uprooted myself and moved to another state. (warning, long post ahoy!)

In passing, my grandmother's obituary

Lorene Pannell Choate Ill, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and sister, is a new angel, received by the heavens Monday Jan. 9, 2012. She is being met by her family with open arms as she was the key to our family. Service: 10 a.m. Friday at Blessing Funeral Home. Interment: Pleasant Point Cemetery. Visitation: 6 to 8 p.m. Thursday at Blessing. She was born Aug. 27, 1931, in Kennedale as the oldest of nine children. Her parents were Susie Mae Lawler Pannell and Hubert Condor Pannell. Lorene lived most of her life in the Metroplex. She worked in the food service area at various locations in Fort Worth, such as the old Texas Hotel, Don Carter's Bowling Alley, The Lonestar Drive-In and Ramada Inn. Her last job before retirement was at the Walmart in Mansfield, where she worked in the fabric area. Lorene was an avid bowler. She bowled at Meadowbrook Lanes for many years. When the new Don Carter's Bowling Alley opened, she bowled on many different leagues over the years. She was a member of the Ladies Traveling League for many years and traveled to a different bowling lane each month. Her time was spent watching soap operas and keeping up with all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was always doing some kind of needlework, either embroidery or crochet. She was a born gambler. If you said Las Vegas or Shreveport, she was ready to go. She got her numbers every week for the Lotto, Mega Millions, Pick 3 and Pick 4. Lorene got excited just because she won $3 on one of her tickets. Lorene was preceded in death by her sons, Mark Randall Choate and Carl William Choate Jr.; and husbands, Bill Choate and Pete Ill. Survivors: Daughters, Joyce LaHue and husband, John, of Alvarado, Debra J. Sandefur and husband, Clyde, of Bakersfield, Calif., and Barbara G. Allen of Shelbyville, Tenn.; sons, Steven Choate of Wolfe City and Douglas Choate of Midwest, Okla.; daughter-in-law, Shelah Choate of Garland; brothers, Edwin Pannell and wife, Jo, of Vallejo, Calif., Tommy Pannell and wife, Lynn, of Joshua and Dan Pannell and wife, Merilea, of Weatherford; 23 grandchildren; and 30 great-grandchildren.

Lorene Pannell Choate Ill Obituary: View Lorene Ill's Obituary by Star-Telegram

Sadness in Passing

So late last evening Granny was taken off her life support and was woken up. Against certain odds for a while she was doing well. There was talk even of moving her from her nursing home back to the hospital to be cared for better.

That hope, sadly, passed. Though some miscommunication we'd received the word hours before the event actually happened. However, as of an hour ago, she passed on. I will miss my Granny, Susie Lorene Pannell dearly, and for the rest of my own life.

Feeling Sad

For as long as I can remember I've only had one grandparent, Granny Lorene. On my mother's side my grandfather died 6 or so years before I was born. My paternal grandmother as well passed before I was born. I have a single memory of Granpa Sandefur (again on my father's side). I had to have been 2 or 3 and remembered looking up at this tall man that had the whitest hair I'd seen to date. I mean STARK white. And all I could think of was, at this young age, "Who is this guy with white hair and why does he talk to me so much?" No, really, I remember that feeling. Again, however, this was a fleeting image in my mind, as he died before I really was able to bond and form memories with him.

So this leaves but the mother of my mother: Granny Lorene. Don't you dare call her Grandmother, it was Granny. I don't know what I can say about her without having to take a year to fill pages upon pages. Sadly that's time I don't have. I got the call at 11:30am today, a sunny Sunday morning in Arizona. The past 3 years or so Granny has been in a nursing home due to her pulmonary problems. This past weekend an email went out that she was being put on a respirator due to a bout of pneumonia. And now.... she's being taken off the machine and most likely will not make it through the night.

I'm sitting here in my dorm room right now. I closed the blinds and put on some jazz (thank you Spotify) and have been trying to pick up my brain to write this in between fits of sobbing. When a mainstay in your life, the fact that you have a grandparent at least. When something like this comes down the line the stress it causes... I will be fine, if only because I still have other family and friends to see me through.

The Countdown Has Begun!

Take a look to your right up. You'll notice something. I picked out a nice flash flip-clock to countdown my time until move-in at UAT. I got my housing info just last night. I'm so EXCITED!


And worried, and scared, and a mix of emotions I haven't felt... ever. It's weird for this old fox* to feel like this. I'm pulling myself up by my own bootstraps to move to another state, leaving behind all that I've known in my life. Though I didn't move here until I was 13, Costa Mesa IS my hometown. I'm going to miss the town I use to call "Coastal Misery" but now realize I was the one miserable.


*it would take too long to explain the choice of animals here

[Edit] Almost forgot to add in this weirdness. So a long time coworker of mine, Renee, pointed out for me that my handing of my resignation to work yesterday, August 1st, was exactly 10 years to the day I started working for my company. I didn't plan it that way, but find it fitting.

Arizona Trip, Part II

Ok so a few days later I get around to finishing off these posts about my trip. I was just too tired Sunday, and work has kicked my ass.

Arizona Trip, Part I

What…a….day!

No, really. I’m tired as hell right now. 6 hours a driving, but I’m alive and in Arizona. I'm fine, aside from having to find a Starbucks to do this post from (fucking Motel 6 having their internet/wifi down until Monday. What a goddamn crock. I got what I paid for, I suppose.)

Many things falling

So it's been a bit since I last posted and I apologize. Next to work AND school right now I haven't had a lot of free time to blog. But what I've been doing makes such an interesting post so here it goes:

This is what my life feels like right now

End Game

I use chess a lot to describe my feelings and attitudes about the things that go on around me. I guess it's the rules of movement and lack of absolute chaos (pieces have set rules for movement and placement) that appeals to me. It also, I guess it shows my force of habit. A Knight will always move as a Knight. Queen, Rook, Bishop it will always be the same for every game.

I HATE Nursing Homes

Ok, this is going to be just a rant about the conditions of one nursing home. Namely the one my father was in until 10/29 (best birthday present ever was getting to drive him home that Friday). However in talking with others I’ve found that many of my experiences are in fact shared.
I’m going to go through this more or less as a narrative of the kind of shit I saw during my father’s experience there. So, with that, here’s my story.

67th Birthday (Father Update)

So yeah my father's 67th birthday was yesterday. I asked him if he felt old. "Older than dirt" was his reply.

I'm happy to see progress on his toe (or rater, the missing one), but it still hasn't healed 3 weeks later. It hasn't filled up with scar tissue either. So it's just the pit going into his foot. Not the best sign, really.

But some humor for you in this post: I got my father a birthday card that was entitled Anti-ageing quiz. It had a picture of a woman... Yeah she had to have 36F-24-36 as measurements. You open the card and it asks as simple question: What color was her purse?  If you asked "She had a purse?", the card told, you weren't old yet.

No one... not me, not even my mother, didn't have to turn back to the front to find the answer (Green). Laughs all around.

One Week Later, Father Update

So I'm sitting here, at my desk, a week after finding out my father was headed off to the hospital. I've learned a lot more about the particulars of what was going on the two weeks prior to this. Seems the last doctor/podiatrist visit for dad he had know things were not looking good. A few days later the right foot toe started becoming white (think dead skin for a visual). Again the problem of my father's "wait until it gets better" attitude my or may not have played a part in him waiting those 2 weeks to seek help.

So, anyways, he's in a nursing home now (one he visited in 2003 for a cellulitus infection in his right leg) for antibiotic treatment for 14 days. He'll be going in some time next week to have an angiogram done on his foot so see if a stint or such can be placed in his leg to increase circulation.

Other than that, my dad is himself: Opinionated, grouchy, but calm and chipper at the same time. Call it an oxymoronic mix, I call it old-fogey syndrome ^_^

Small update on my father

Doctor took a look today and said he believes they got it all. Just one toe (right 'ring' toe) Dad is being monitored for a few more days to make sure. White blood cell count has gone down but is not below a marker that indicates infection.  They're continuing with the IV antibiotics in the mean time in hopes they will not have to take more of the foot. He will probably go into skilled care barring anything further wrong.

Still on a path (Father Update)

So, contrary to someone's thoughts (which, mind you, gave me a needed laugh there Brooklyn) my father did go back to work after my last update. He'd kinda pushed himself back into it I guess in an attempt to have something to do. I guess in not having much more to day I'd neglected to keep and updated post on him. Sorry there ^_^.

He's gone through various modes of healing: Compression socks (which ended up being too tight and giving him more sores) to get circulation in his legs back, more antibiotics, and daily cleanings (done by my sister since he doesn't have the mobility to do them himself). One bothering thing was a sore he has had on his right toe. It wasn't getting any better, but not getting worse either. Doctor recently said it might take a year or so to heal, with anecdotal story of a 3 year long healing process from one patient.

If you know my father by now, you know he diabetes and lack of circulation in his legs causes issues. So this past Wednesday my sister Shawna, the one whom lives with my parents, calls me to let me know that things are not look as good again. He'd taken a night off of work with a fever a few nights before. Now his toe was starting to have it's wound seep. Infection returned it seemed.

Last night I got the most oddest of calls. My father let me know that his doctor made a decision to amputate said toe and needed a driver for this evening. I said yes, and quietly sulked at the thought.

This morning I got even worse news: Shawna calls me at 9 to let me know she's been awoken. The doctor has upped the time table as he feels there might be more at risk than just the toe. Given the time of this post he's probably being processed at the hospital, with some tests to determine exactly how far 'up' they'll need to cut.

I'm not in a greatest of moods now, sadly. :(